I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
