All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
