Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
