I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
