we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
