I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
