considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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