She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
