woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
