Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
