Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
