I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
