if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
