Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
