Midget sex pt 2 tonight
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
