Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
