Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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