I wish i was in the wii world.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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