Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
