i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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