News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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