Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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