I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
