You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Semen is not good for contacts.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
