either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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