before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
