Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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