I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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