Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
