apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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