i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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