with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
