Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
