What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
