remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
