Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
