Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
