Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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