Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
