Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
