9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
