he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
