Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
