omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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