Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
