and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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