Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
