At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
