hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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