she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
