she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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