PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
