You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize
