So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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