Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
