Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
