I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
