I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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