Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just gargled with NyQuil
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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