And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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