I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
