Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
