tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
