her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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