I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
