he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize