I am full of burrito and curiosity
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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