I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
