I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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