I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
