I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
