Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
