my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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