Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
