I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
they're like a gay fantastic four
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
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