I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
