after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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